In the Fire (2023)

It's the 1890s and lady doctor Amber Heard heads to a remote plantation where she's tasked with protecting a gifted child from superstitious townsfolk who hold him and the devil responsible for the death and famine afflicting their community. There's a limp attempt at a science vs. religion debate before she's whipped, and it becomes clear that her ordeal is more likely to be resolved by her survival instincts than expertise. "In the Fire" is quite perfunctory in that sense, but it's also quite beautifully shot, and Heard's performance in the lead role is excellent enough that it's not too much of a chore to spend time with a character so hapless, who only gradually realises that the kid in her charge might be of the Damien variety after all. Throw in some well done death scenes and a mob climax that deliberately recalls "Frankenstein" and this isn't a bad way to kill 87 minutes, even with its lack of surprises.

The Craft: Legacy (2020)

Nothing will ever make 2019's "Black Christmas" or 2023's "The Exorcist: Believer" good, but if defenders of those movies have any brains, they'll remember to point to this as an even more egregious example of bastardized name recognition bullshit in cinematic form. Even David Gordon Green didn't disrespect Ellen Burstyn the way this movie insults Fairuza Balk. None of which is to say that Neve Campbell, Rachel True and Robin Tunney are entirely spared by this movie, since associating 1996's "The Craft" or its characters with the personality vacuum kids and all-around tone deafness of this movie is itself an insult. You will believe a woman's relationship with a blatantly evil bad guy played by David Duchovny and the ensuing battle (if you could call it that) between him and her daughter (Cailee Spaney) is the most boring foundation for a movie about witches ever, but you probably won't believe what an afterthought witchiness and personality are to a movie literally piggybacking off of "The (FUCKING) Craft". Don't bother with this abortion and just rewatch the original instead. Forget this even exists.

August Underground (2001)

The term 'torture porn' is one of the more abused and unfair descriptions of violent horror movies, but there are times when it is apt. Enter "August Underground", a found footage-style horror movie following a pair of chucklehead serial killers as they engage in a series of violent acts, which include the physical and psychological torture of a bound woman, the murder of a hitchhiker, and a sexually charged grocery store attack. It's a gratuitous and ultimately pointless exercise that seems to revel in the gross exploits of its depraved characters a little too much, although that does tend to make it about as uncomfortable as a movie like this ought to be, considering the themes. This is essentially a version of 2011's "Found Footage" where the violence and puerility is cranked up but any sense of an arc or plot falls by the wayside. And unlike that underrated movie, "August Underground" finds a way to be boring, especially during the way-too-long sequence featuring the killers and a pair of sex workers that leads into an abrupt and unsatisfying ending. This movie is a grim curiosity and little else.

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

During a road trip home from college, siblings Darry (Justin Long) and Trish (Gina Philips) spy a man who drives an old beaten-down truck dumping a body into down a sewer pipe before briefly being chased. Being the smart kids they are, they decide to double-back and check whether this man's victim remains alive, thus trapping themselves in a cat and mouse game with a monstrous foe. Over two decades since "Jeepers Creepers" released, I still have mixed feelings about the decision to upgrade its 'creeper' from a Rusty Nail-esque serial killer to a winged monster that consumes the body parts of its victims, but there's no denying the effectiveness of several scenes here. There's Darry investigating the creeper's lair and finding the bodies of hundreds of victims stitched together on the walls and ceiling; an underprepared police force trying to fight back against the creeper when it lays siege on their station; and, of course, the chilling ending that fulfills the prophecy of psychic Jezelle (Patricia Belcher), who attempts to aid Darry and Trish's escape from their hungry foe. This is a pretty solid horror movie with good acting performances and only a few narrative missteps, well worth checking out if you're a genre buff.

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Easily the worst entry in the franchise, "Halloween: Resurrection" pits a wussified Michael Myers against a group of douchebag reality television contestants and their obnoxious ringmaster when he returns to his home after dispatching of Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) to find that Dangertainment has invaded it for a livestreamed investigation of Haddonfield's most infamous murder house. This is a movie where pretty much every character is a drooling idiot's idea of quirky or fun, the storyline has no real stakes, and nary a frame is untouched by the specter of creative bankruptcy. It marks the return to the franchise of "Halloween II" director Rick Rosenthal after twenty-plus years away, but it's a shame to say he brings none of the suspense or energy that film had to this abortion. What do we get instead? Busta Rhymes using kung-fu kicks to bully Michael Myers, one of the worst final girls in horror movie history, and a cliffhanger ending that thankfully never spawned a sequel. I hate this movie with a passion. It's stupid, annoying and pointless. Even the kills, which might have been welcome in other franchise entries, are ruined by the use of the reality TV/found footage gimmickry that never should have been allowed to infiltrate such an iconic series. Worst of all: the Laurie Strode character is treated like a complete joke, her horribly handled death sealed with a kiss on the lips of the man who caused her decades of trauma. Only completists need subjects themselves to this dreck.