Babysitter Must Die (2021)

Babysitter Josie Jane (Riley Scott) attempts to "Home Alone" her way out of danger when a cult composed of people who talk like '80s wrestlers working supernatural gimmicks breaks into the home where she's just finishing up her shift, killing several members of the resident family and resolving to make further blood sacrifices just as soon as they locate the black mask totem that's hidden somewhere in the house. "Babysitter Must Die" is enjoyable in an ironic sort of way, but there's only so much its limited cast can do with their inane characters and only so much enjoyment one can take in an inferior home invasion horror-comedy that inevitably invites comparisons to better movies like "The Babysitter", "Becky" and "Better Watch Out". Having a badly miscast lead doesn't help, either, although Melinda Yeaman is great as the main eyepatch-wearing baddie, even if she can't quite overcome the dialogue she's given. And if there's one thing a movie like this definitely needs, it's more gore than what "Babysitter Must Die" lamely offers up.

The Sand (2015)

A group of teens have more than hangovers to worry about when they wake up the morning after a spring break party to find that a tentacled creature lurks just below the surface of the beach, ready and able to consume all of them. "The Sand" sounds like the kind of concept that could work in the hands of a director that knows how to work within the kind of budgetary constraints that this movie clearly has. Alas, this is Isaac Gabaeff's first and only feature film, and it doesn't take long to figure out why. A mess of bad acting, cheesy set-pieces and cheap special effects that feels like it could have been written in the kind of drunken haze that its characters experienced the night before, "The Sand" is about fifty times as dumb as it is fun. Even Jamie Kennedy, phoning it in for a cameo he can't have been paid handsomely for, does little to improve a D.O.A. movie that's only one or two notches above the average Asylum venture. Like "Cocaine Shark", it's best enjoyed when you're under the influence of mind-altering substances.

Wrong Turn (2003)

Eliza Dushku's contribution to the 2000s white tank-top horror canon and one of the most rewatchable horror flicks of the decade in its own right, "Wrong Turn" takes a basic story of ill-prepared city folk being hunted through the woods by inbred mutant-men and delivers solid entertainment. If the gore is a bit mild compared to the low-rent sequels that followed, there is a sense of showmanship to what we do get: Lindy Booth gets barbwired, Jeremy Sisto eats arrows, and Emmanuelle Chriqui gets her pretty head bisected -- and what fun it is to see. Lightweight though "Wrong Turn" is compared to the brilliant likes of "Wolf Creek" and "The Devil's Rejects", it's still a good movie that survives repeat viewings relatively unscathed. It doesn't scare me like it did when I was 12, but it retains a special place in my horror-loving heart, as does Emmanuelle Chriqui.

Run Rabbit Run (2023)

Another entry into the "fuck them kids" canon, "Run Rabbit Run" sees a mother (Sarah Snook) gradually disintegrating when her daughter Mia (Lily LaTorre) decides her name is actually Alice, which was also the name of ma's long-missing sister. Naturally, this triggers a journey to the unravelling of a decades-old mystery that puts mother and daughter in the path of peril. Well, I say it's a myster but let's face it: the truth about Sarah's past is plainly obvious early on and watching this movie lamely stumble towards the truth while unsuccessfully trying to wring horror from its borrowed "kids are creepy" bag of tricks isn't exactly high entertainment. It doesn't help that the whole movie has this washed-out look that's probably meant to complement the barren Aussie setting but really just compounds the movie's overall glibness. Also, how useless are the supporting characters in this movie? Half the problems that crop up for Sarah and Mia could be resolved by taking the obvious step of removing the kid, however weird she may be, from a pretty sus living situation. But I guess the movie has to manufacture that predictable closing scene somehow, so let's not worry about logic. A bad, boring movie.