Jeepers Creepers (2001)

(Note: After my latest rewatch, I've decided I actually really love this movie. I wish I didn't, because of who directed it, but I do. I'm too lazy to rewrite my more critical review, however.)

During a road trip home from college, siblings Darry (Justin Long) and Trish (Gina Philips) spy a man who drives an old beaten-down truck dumping a body into down a sewer pipe before briefly being chased. Being the smart kids they are, they decide to double-back and check whether this man's victim remains alive, thus trapping themselves in a cat and mouse game with a monstrous foe. Over two decades since "Jeepers Creepers" released, I still have mixed feelings about the decision to upgrade its 'creeper' from a Rusty Nail-esque serial killer to a winged monster that consumes the body parts of its victims, but there's no denying the effectiveness of several scenes here. There's Darry investigating the creeper's lair and finding the bodies of hundreds of victims stitched together on the walls and ceiling; an underprepared police force trying to fight back against the creeper when it lays siege on their station; and, of course, the chilling ending that fulfills the prophecy of psychic Jezelle (Patricia Belcher), who attempts to aid Darry and Trish's escape from their hungry foe. This is a pretty solid horror movie with good acting performances and only a few narrative missteps, well worth checking out if you're a genre buff.

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Easily the worst entry in the franchise, "Halloween: Resurrection" pits a wussified Michael Myers against a group of douchebag reality television contestants and their obnoxious ringmaster when he returns to his home after dispatching of Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) to find that Dangertainment has invaded it for a livestreamed investigation of Haddonfield's most infamous murder house. This is a movie where pretty much every character is a drooling idiot's idea of quirky or fun, the storyline has no real stakes, and nary a frame is untouched by the specter of creative bankruptcy. It marks the return to the franchise of "Halloween II" director Rick Rosenthal after twenty-plus years away, but it's a shame to say he brings none of the suspense or energy that film had to this abortion. What do we get instead? Busta Rhymes using kung-fu kicks to bully Michael Myers, one of the worst final girls in horror movie history, and a cliffhanger ending that thankfully never spawned a sequel. I hate this movie with a passion. It's stupid, annoying and pointless. Even the kills, which might have been welcome in other franchise entries, are ruined by the use of the reality TV/found footage gimmickry that never should have been allowed to infiltrate such an iconic series. Worst of all: the Laurie Strode character is treated like a complete joke, her horribly handled death sealed with a kiss on the lips of the man who caused her decades of trauma. Only completists need subjects themselves to this dreck.

THE HALLOWEEN FRANCHISE

Halloween (1978)

Halloween II (1981)

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

Halloween: H20 - 20 Years Later (1998)

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Halloween (2007)

Halloween II (2009)

Halloween (2018)

Halloween Kills (2021)

Halloween Ends (2022)

Faking It: Jimmy Savile (2020)

Hindsight reigns in the overproduced "Faking It: Jimmy Savile", in which a parade of experts (on body language, linguistics, criminal profiling, etc.) sit at flashy computer setups and sagely explain how everything notorious entertainer and pedophile Jimmy Savile said or did was an obvious Freudian slip that you'd almost have to be blind to miss. Of course, they have a point to a degree (Savile did let details about his true self slip out during interviews and appearances and lots of people DID know), but there are times when their analysis lurches into ridiculous territory (hello, headphone lady!) and, frankly, the actual story of what Savile did is more compelling than their theater. Watch "Jimmy Savile: A British Horror Story" instead.

Men (2022)

Reeling from the traumatic conclusion of her abusive marriage, Harper (Jessie Buckley) heads to the English countryside for some recuperation, only to discover that all men are the same. Or they're all a shapeshifter with the face of character actor Rory Kinnear. Or she's snapped and is externalizing her own guilt and fear. I dunno, I'm just a dumb idiot with bad taste in movies, and "Men" is precisely the kind of cinematic mindfuck that sends my jaw to the floor and has me holding my breath. It even got a few disbelieving cackles out of me. A heady blend of palpable dread and batshit insanity that, for me at least, gets better the deeper it delves into both Harper's fragile mental state and the bizarre ordeal she finds herself trapped in, "Men" keeps upping the stakes as it goes and doesn't let up until the very last moment. As for those gory special effects: let's just say I'm putting this into my own personal body horror hall of fame, right up there with Cronenberg (sorry not sorry). Rory Kinnear is brilliant in his multiple roles as the menfolk of Cotson and Jessie Buckley is literally perfect. This is a divisive film, for sure, but I'm glad to be on the far side of the pro crowd.

The Killing Tree (2022)

A year after being executed for his crimes, a murderer's widow casts a spell that reincarnates him into a Christmas tree, kickstarting a quest for revenge against the girl who put him away. En route he offs a bunch of other stock horror movie characters and talks shit while doing so. If this sounds like some sort of spiritual successor to 1997's underrated "Jack Frost", I regret to inform you that "The Killing Tree" is from the same minds behind "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey". Thus, the humour isn't even at Michael Cooney's level, while the filmmakers fall into the trap of prioritizing CGI effects that range from barely passable to laughably shit over the more charmingly cheap practical methods that actually enhanced "Jack Frost". I did laugh a bunch of times in the first half of the movie, but it lost me long before a lame ending with "fuck it, why not?" energy. No nudity, either! Anyway, I've already seen too many movies from the production company behind "The Killing Tree" to have any right to warn you away from it, but might I suggest "Treevenge" instead?